LFW FACTIONS TBC (FROM LN-CC)

Right, so where was I? Oh yes, in the middle of a proper trendy gathering in its early stages. Let's get one thing straight. I'm an old guy in fashion. I nut about in suits and stuff, and do probably look like an old fart to young observers. This is a given. Disclaimer over, I'm interested in the new factions back on the set of 'Aliens - DIY' - the party episode.

Apparently invisible in C.P. Company, alone, I had time to watch. I'm not here to write about girls, this is about men's style. As far as I could tell there were about four main factions in play. The medieval asym-haircut brigade were out in force, gravitating towards the notional epicentre of 'fashion fowards'. They were doing OK, mooning about and looking too too cool to acknowledge the dance floor and its U.S. garage throb. Dark hoods, leggings, big boots and stringy/cowly knits, all in black. Palid boats by contrast. Like Bauhaus netball teams, with basin cuts and peroxide quiffs, waiting for the mini-bus/band to come. They're bang on the Damir Doornail as soon as their grant/dole/pay cheque comes, bless 'em. Or do they run it up themselves?

Striking me as most dislocated were the boys doing the prescriptive, informed East London stance. Diminutive flood chinos, denim shirts over t-shirt, quite nice quiffy hair, er.. some shoes. Confused as, walking round anxiously thinking, 'I'm trendy, they're trendy, surely this is cool, but why don't I know what to do? Keep walking? Keep looking, er..'. Shame. Their look is diffused by the night. They just look, heaven forbid, normal. Like they could have just finished their job down the Kings Road moving stock in Dad's stationery depot. The skinnier ones with sling bags and knitted docker hats, like American paper-round twerps. Not edgy, and boy they knew it. Rethink -Remodel (click for inspiration).

The Japanese trend mongers are never shy to throw themselves into a scene headlong. Representing designer fashion like it was going out of fashion, they seemed quite grateful to be milling in Dalston. The madder stringier stuff, the collegiate outwear remakes and the big hats of work on them. Tick. NB. Dont try this at home.

Make way for the Quakers Bears. Big, bearded and effectively the alpha males of trendy fashion. Ubiquitous big beards and conveniently oversized work clobber is their thing. Like hicks having just finished down the wood shop,  they prowl angrily in fury/wooly/bally outerwear. 'You not from round here boy?', I expected them to utter, not at me, obviously. How do  Quaker Bears dance? I never found out. Do they dance? I know one quite well. Am gonna ask him?

To my out-of-train eye, the thing that was lacking, was any guts or spine. I'm into surfaces as much as the next style fan, but this lot don't seem to have come from anywhere party-culturally. The looks are all pretty well researched, to the point of being identikit, but there's no actual party culture. Where are the boys terrorising other boys and even showing off in front of  girls?Even the models do that. Where are the jokers, the dancers, and the lets-go-mentalists? Wave your tats in the air, like you just don't care.  All their tats say subversive, but the faces say, 'Er..I am part of something?'. OK it was a fashion do and they can be a bit straight/dry, but it was the expressions that got me.  Not even pretty vacant. More consistently anxious. Outside was more fluid I have to say. A better backdrop for intercourse than the B&Q labyrinth.

Linked my pal and went home before anything happened. Had some prawns that were going off. Back with my prawns, I expected the party was going off, proper style, right kids? Good for them. It was day one of LFW. Maybe they need to warm up. It's the last day today. Am not warmed up in slightest.

Getting an early night before LFW Mannish day. Gonna wear a suit and loom about like am reporting for some lofty niche titles. Oh, wait..

Stubbs in again during LFW.

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