BEARING GARMS

A pack of Hermes knotting cards sits in a state of readiness in my Aksel Kjersgaard desk drawer (click) like a half bottle of Scotch or a Smith&Wesson snub nose revolver does in a private investigators office: The Two Jakes style (clicky). Actually, its not madly like that at all is it? Having a tool in your desk drawer is what I mean. Things you can devise with them are quite a tool-like. The Pli de Base sword scarf for example.

Bought an Hermes scarf off the ebay the other day, and put it straight on for the GQ lunch. Rather pleased with it inside a double breasted herringbone suit- a la Tinie Tempah. This is it in pli de base arrangement. Can do what you like with it after you got that down.

Been wielding it quite frequently ever since. Also ordered a shoehorn from Abbeyhorn (clickage) made out of horn for a present for someone. Another potentially dangerous faux weapon. When out on manoeuvres up North in Manchester recently, spent some time locked in a room with an ex-special forces body guard fella. I'm very fond of Dave. He reviewed the Falklands War, on the way to which he had his 18th birthday, as a 'reet laugh'. Dave is a Geordie you see. Anyway, to while away some time thought would get some knife attack based training from Dave in return for some styling tips.

Dave pasted me numerous different ways as I lunged at him awkwardly in a three-piece suit. I removed the jacket and got serious. Dave pasted me some more. Use of the outside of forearms seems prudent and practical, also some vicious elbow blocks/blows. Dave demonstrated this strange crossed wrist movement too that pincers the attacking weapon hand. I mostly ended up laughing/wimpering as he twisted my wrist hideously above my head somewhere. However, Dave's sage-like advice suggested that if I attacked him with a magic marker, he would get inked at least a couple of times, and this is not good on an ink/cut level. His advice is to run away if you can. This is very helpful. Helpful because it means instead of thinking to myself when in a knife-based scenario "um..what did Dave do next with his crossed forearms?", I'll be thinking/running "Dave said run. Its okay to run. Run!" etc. Wise words Captain B, thank you.

In return I did him a ninja based pocket square arrangement, so stealthy can't be detected at night without night vision googles. Have that potential attackers. Am going Christmas shopping now with my Pli de Base on full show. Concealed weapon? Step aside part-time shoppers, I do this for living.

Stubbs out.

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