RIGHTS OF PACKAGE

- SPEEDO SPIRITUAL STYLE -

 
 George - Ticket to ride, white line highway

George - Ticket to ride, white line highway

 

Morning Style Mongers. My Dad loved to swim and so did his Old Man before him. Donald would be taken to the ponds in Wimbledon Common on the cross bar of his fathers push-bike where they would swim with other game South Londoners. Don swam in Speedos wherever we went on holiday; St.Ives, The Mumbles or Spain. Decades later I am the last male Stubbs standing, and I too love to swim outdoors, also in Speedos. The London Fields Lido is my beloved spot.

 Poppy cock.

Poppy cock.

Proper swimmers at the Lido swim hail or high varicose count, and male ones do it in Speedos. Speedo “Essential Endurance+ 7cm Sportsbriefs” that is; the model synonymous with the brand name itself. In fact, any costume from the skimpy pouch genre gets dubbed a ‘Speedo’. That’s serious branding. They’re the marque of the serious swimmer, but also a no-nonsense egalitarian masculine option for all. Neon blue is the classic (and my fav), while Fed red make for a striking swim stance. Black works well too, but do please consider seldom seen navy. Speedos super streamlining yields zero drag with no excess material flapping to inhibit movement.  

But brothers it’s not just liberty from inhibition of movement they deliver. Speedos athletic credentials justify wearing the skimpiest garment most men ever get themselves into even private, never mind public. Sporty context affords carte blanche to unheard of exposure; most liberating, even risqué. (Indeed I’ve seen ‘em teamed with fur coat and heels on the host of Vogue Fabrics Dalston). When Peter Travis invented the worlds first swimming brief in 1961 for the Auzzie brand Speedo, they sent men out to test them on Bondi. This level of male exposure rocked convention. Beach inspectors arrested the first man they saw wearing them, though charges were later dropped. Thus Speedo granted mankind access to new freedom and far more exciting tan lines.

 David Blowie. 

David Blowie. 

Personally I love how donning Speedos is the diametric opposite of giving a brass shit about men’s fashion; For me that’s a big, significant sensation. Speedos are an antidote to the on-going, relentlessly churning cycle of trends. They stand in defiance as a truly singular perennial. A swimwear leveler, be you athlete, pensioner, fat Dad or body beautiful Gaylord.  Lets be straight, it takes balls to wear Speedos. They’re still taboo for many. They carry stigma. Rhyming with Paedo doesn’t help. They alarm some on the visuals alone. My oldest God Son was heavily spooked by my Speedos when he ten. Perhaps that’s the age of Speedo awareness? When Dad was in Speedo prime, and I was about 13, I really bloody hated them. See style wise in the early Eighties they were popular but went hand in glove with Germans with ‘taches, mullets and rubbish bull-worker physiques. That said, the ‘big gut/tiny pouch’ look delivered with confidence is not to be dismissed; just ask Juergen Teller. Now these contextual hang-ups have long since faded, these traits are gifts of Middle Age, and perhaps Speedos are but a herald of its arrival?

 Rod and Britt.

Rod and Britt.

It has to be noted, oh my brothers, that regular swimming doesn’t half do your body the world of good. To wit this has positives, though through the years, girlfriends have come down on both sides of my Speedos. They are a matter of taste. Regardless, is prudent to keep things palatable in public. Speedos can work on beaches/by the pool, but always have more substantial short to hand for when ordering calamari/Negroni/ inflatable Swans from the bar. Also, while you ‘family jewels’ are on display, be mindful where your other valuables are stashed. I find Speedos access new levels of freedom and liberation for swimming, particularly wild. I go running in them on holiday, hide my trainers and i-phone on the shore and just swim off into total abandon. Like a cross between Roberto Cavali and Reggie Perrin.  I’ve made spiritual contact with my old Dad while unencumbered open sea swimming. Don would have bloody loved the swimming locations I’ve got myself to.  For the brands 90th birthday this year get involved and find something spiritual in your Speedos.

 

Stubbs out.

 

NB. Speedo Style piece in current (May) issue of British GQ, but they had to make it a little shorter and also change some of my lyrics, which I get, but this is the original versh. 

I never compared self to Iggy, for example.

Packet peace, brothers. T